Welcome to my blog. I’m a psychologist and the co-author (with Gary Chapman) of When Sorry Isn’t Enough. I share tips about What to Say When challenging conversations arise and I welcome your thoughts and questions. I’ll check back in frequently to chime in on the conversations here.
Silver bells, hot chocolate, chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Mothers of grown children are never as happy as when their children return to their nests for the holidays. Mom has a vision of catching up with you about the details of your life and the longings of your heart.
For Mom, a winter storm could blow in and strand everyone in the house for weeks. As long as everyone is safe, that would be just fine with her because her babies are back under her wings.
What could interrupt Mom’s idyllic plan for the holidays? It’s your beloved cell phone. Yes, she has a cell phone too but it’s not her lifeline. If she could tell you what is on her heart, she would say this:
Dear child of mine, I want to sit down and catch up with you. I want to be the most important person for you to visit with today. I don’t want to look at the top of your head while you work on your laptop or check the status of others on Facebook.
Please be all here when you are with me. If you must pull out your phone, I’d prefer for you to briefly manage your business in another room then return to join in completely. If I could have one wish today, it would be for us to enjoy a conversation so deep that you would not want to pick up your security blanket.
For today, please lay down everything except family time. Precious one, please come with no distractions and be fully present in our home. You are my joy and I want to know that I am yours too. The end.
Many people long for their parents over the holidays. If you are fortunate enough to have one or both of yours around this year, savor the time.
What can you say to relatives who pass through your home during the holidays but who can’t unplug from the busyness of life? Try these conversation starters:
• If you could be any place in the world for one day, where would you choose and why?
• For what 5 things are you most grateful?
• What do you like about visiting your parents and/or being in their home?
• Are you going to make any New Year’s resolutions?
• What item that you own means the most to you and why?
• What type of service to others to you find the most rewarding and why?
• If you could know everything about one subject, what subject would you choose?
• What is your favorite movie of all time?
Your turn:
In what places do you most want people to turn off their *!#*#@ cell phones?
What would you like to talk about or do together over the holidays?