Dr. Jennifer Thomas

I'm a bestselling author, psychologist, speaker, consultant, and apology critic.

Interactions. Admit You Were Wrong If it was you who caused the issue, apologize and clear up the misunderstanding. It’s better to address the problem sooner, rather than later. The longer you put it off, the harder it can become to make things right again. It’s hard- after all few people are eager to admit their own wrongdoing. But only by apologizing can you mend the relationship between you and your co-worker. If you are apologizing, then follow the advice in my earlier post:  ‘I’m Just Not Feeling It. Why So Many Apologies Fall Flat’. 

How to Get Over a Bad Interaction at Work and Move Forward

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How to Get Over a Bad Interaction at Work and Move Forward:
Admit You Were Wrong- If it was you who caused the issue, apologize and clear up the misunderstanding. It’s better to address the problem sooner, rather than later. The longer you put it off, the harder it can become to make things right again. It’s hard- after all few people are eager to admit their own wrongdoing. But only by apologizing can you mend the relationship between you and your co-worker. If you are apologizing, then follow the advice in my earlier post:  ‘I’m Just Not Feeling It. Why So Many Apologies Fall Flat’. 

Uninvolved Partner

What to Say When… He Is Uninvolved at Home

Saturday rolled around, and Ashley needed some help. All week, she had balanced work, the kids, and a long To-Do list. Her husband, Ryan, had a busy week, too. But, she was hoping he’d lend a hand with their weekend activities. Frustrated, she found Ryan sitting in his man cave watching sports. How could he just sit there for hours when she was so overwhelmed? What Doesn’t Work: Boiling inside while your partner is uninvolved and oblivious to the problem. Most couples have different levels of energy and different priorities. Accusing one another of being in the wrong without understanding their perspective can backfire. Don’t assume that your spouse is too lazy or too uptight. Mutual solutions are found when both parties openly express their needs.

late

What to Say When He Always Runs Late

 

Scenario:

Kate had the babysitter settled in for the evening with her three kids. There was only one problem. Kate’s husband, Jon, was running late…again. He comes from a family of people known for running late. In fact, his mother is jokingly referred to as “the late Mrs. Brown.” Kate silently fumed while waiting for Jon to get home. She had reminded him to leave work in plenty of time to meet friends for dinner. Their lateness made her feel embarrassed when they were typically the last couple to show up. Would he break another promise to arrive on time? Fifteen minutes later, Jon rushed through the door blaming traffic and saying he was sorry for running late. They jumped into the car and sped off to their event. What to Say: Kate: While we’ve got a few minutes together, I need to talk to you about something that is important to me. When we show up late, it makes me feel embarrassed. Jon: Gosh. I know you think I always run late. But, you are too uptight about being on time. Kate: When we arrive late, I feel like we waste other people’s time. Jon: OK. I didn’t know that you felt that way. I’ll try to leave work earlier next time. Kate: Thank you. This means a lot to me, and I have no problem driving myself if you get stuck at work. Why This Works: By starting the conversation, Kate avoids giving Jon the dreaded silent treatment. Nobody likes to be in a tension-filled position with someone who says through clenched teeth that everything is “just fine.” Kate puts Jon on notice that he should arrive when he agrees to arrive. And she offers to drive herself without him if he’s late in the future. What Doesn’t Work: Nagging. No one likes to be nagged and no one really wants to be a nag. [linkback]

forgiveness_i'm_sorry

3 Things Forgiveness Can Never Do

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Forgiveness Does Not Heal Everything. We often have the mistaken idea that forgiveness will wipe the slate clean. Let me share three things that forgiveness does not do. (1) Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing. The father who abandons his children may repent ten years later, but forgiveness does not restore the ten years of void.

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