What to Say When… She Shops Too Much
Scenario: Henry believed Anne was perfect when they dated and got engaged. They shared common interests, similar friends, and really… read more
Scenario: Henry believed Anne was perfect when they dated and got engaged. They shared common interests, similar friends, and really… read more
Forgiveness Does Not Heal Everything. We often have the mistaken idea that forgiveness will heal everything. Let me share three things that forgiveness does not do. (1) Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrong doing. The father who abandons his children may repent ten years later, but forgiveness does not restore the ten years of void. [linkback]
In his book, Just Listen, Mark Goulston talks about how to give a strong apology. He says:
Is there someone you need to apologize to? If there is, don’t just say you’re sorry; give them a Power Apology. It has three parts:
1. Admit that you were wrong and that you’re sorry. Really own up to what you did — or failed to do. For example, “I jumped down your throat and berated you mercilessly when you didn’t get that report done on time. I was wrong to treat you that way and I am sorry.”
2. Show them you understand the effect it had on them. For instance, “And when I did that, and wouldn’t let it go, I think I made you feel cornered and probably anxious — and maybe even panicky.” You don’t need to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what they must be feeling or thinking; just try to really put yourself in their shoes.
3. Tell them what you are going to do differently in the future so that it doesn’t happen again. [linkback]
Dana and Keith have been married for 3 months. During the two years that they dated, Keith had always been romantic and thoughtful. However, he was acting like a different person now that she had a wedding ring on her finger. [linkback]
Quite unexpectedly, he approached me and volunteered he had acted poorly years before. He apologized he had said things about me he found out were not true, and he had been too proud at the time to apologize. I apologized, too, for my behavior. As a lawyer supposedly trained to bleed away emotion and vitriol, I should have looked past the other lawyer’s comments at the time. In retrospect, I have concluded my wrong was the larger of the two, a wrong compounded by the passage of the years. I had a clearer sight line on the issue, but I squandered it on a cheap angle: my own pride and anger. In one of life’s shadowy twists, it was the other lawyer who came to possess what I did not: humility. [linkback]
Gary Chapman talked about issues of forgiveness in a radio interview this month. Many assume that forgiveness has no qualifiers so our analysis of Bible passages about forgiveness may be surprising. I thought my readers might like to hear what he is saying on this important topic.
CLICK HERE to listen to an in-depth radio chat with Gary Chapman. Tip: Skip ahead to minute 11 to hear about forgiveness. Here is a description of the whole interview.
[linkback]
The Wall Street Journal featured a short article recently, along with optional video, on the subject of apologizing: “I’m… read more