Welcome to my blog. I’m a psychologist and the co-author (with Gary Chapman) of When Sorry Isn’t Enough. I share tips about What to Say When challenging conversations arise and I welcome your thoughts and questions. I’ll check back in frequently to chime in on the conversations here.
In his book, Just Listen, Mark Goulston talks about how to give a strong apology. He says:
Is there someone you need to apologize to? If there is, don’t just say you’re sorry; give them a Power Apology. It has three parts:
1. Admit that you were wrong and that you’re sorry. Really own up to what you did — or failed to do. For example, “I jumped down your throat and berated you mercilessly when you didn’t get that report done on time. I was wrong to treat you that way and I am sorry.”
2. Show them you understand the effect it had on them. For instance, “And when I did that, and wouldn’t let it go, I think I made you feel cornered and probably anxious — and maybe even panicky.” You don’t need to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what they must be feeling or thinking; just try to really put yourself in their shoes.
3. Tell them what you are going to do differently in the future so that it doesn’t happen again. For example, “Going forward, when I’m upset about something you have done or failed to do, I’m going to pause and ask myself, ‘What is the outcome I want from speaking to you? In all likelihood it will be for you to just fix what needs to be fixed so you can get the results that both of us want.
To read the full article, click here.
My Thoughts:
His article is a nice introduction to business apologies. To go even deeper, I’d add two of our five languages of apology that he does not mention: making amends and requesting forgiveness.