WhatToSayWhen_Slide1

When Sorry Isn’t Enough

Making Things Right with Those You Love
#1 New York Times bestselling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas have teamed up to deliver this groundbreaking study of how we give and receive apologies. Now Available! »

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What to Say When Sorry Isn’t Enough

My Advice:

Here are a few phrases you could try to “pull for” more of what you’d like to hear in an apology (by category below).  You could say something like this:  “Thank you for what you’ve offered me by way of an apology.  It would help me even more if I could hear more about”:

§ Expressing Regret: “I am sorry”

How my feelings were hurt, how much worry, trouble, inconvenience I experienced.

How you would have felt if you were in my shoes.

§ Accepting Responsibility: “I was wrong”

 

Read More »
WhatToSayWhen_Slide1

When Sorry Isn’t Enough

Making Things Right with Those You Love
#1 New York Times bestselling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas have teamed up to deliver this groundbreaking study of how we give and receive apologies. Now Available! »

man typing email what to say

What to Say When… You Would Give Anything to Retract an Email Message

We’ve all been there. You draft a private email message but accidentally send it to the whole group. Your mind races as you recall what you said and how it will be received by friends or coworkers who you were not supposed to have copied on the message. You might try to retract or recall the email message but you have no success. When you are the sender of an unintended email message, what should you say? Read More »

WhatToSayWhen_Slide1

When Sorry Isn’t Enough

Making Things Right with Those You Love
#1 New York Times bestselling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas have teamed up to deliver this groundbreaking study of how we give and receive apologies. Now Available! »

family gary chapman_radio

Insider Scoop: My Focus on the Family Interview with Dr. Gary Chapman

A while back, Gary Chapman and I traveled to Colorado Springs for a taping of their daily broadcast. Here are some of my behind the scenes memories: During the session, the interviewers asked some great questions about the five languages of apology. Gary and I have developed a rapport for interviews like this. Generally, we take turns giving the answers. If we have something to add to the other’s answer, we lift a finger or point to ourselves. When we are asked about teaching kids to apologize, Gary usually points to me and I step in to answer because I have young kids. When theological questions pop up, I point to Gary because he’s a pastor. Read More »

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What You Should Say When Your Husband Hurts Your Feelings

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APOLOGIES SORRY COUPLE

I’m Just Not Feeling It. Why So Many Apologies Fall Flat

Before Gary Chapman and I wrote When Sorry Isn’t Enough, we asked 400 people what they look for in sincere apologies.  We found that their answers fell into these five categories (we call them ‘apology languages’):

  • Apology Language #1: Expressing Regret I am sorry.”
  • Apology Language #2: Accepting Responsibility I was wrong.”
  • Apology Language #3: Restitution-Making Amends What can I do to make it right?”
  • Apology Language #4: Genuinely Repenting I want to change.”
  • Apology Language #5: Requesting Forgiveness Will You Please Forgive me?”
Read More »
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The Most Powerful Apology I’ve Ever Heard

Below, you’ll find the draft of a stunning public apology that was delivered exactly five years ago. What is the context? It’s painful to even describe this. Robin was the founding pastor of our church. He was married and had an inappropriate relationship with a female church member. He was removed by the church and everyone went through a period of healing. He returned and asked the church elders for an opportunity to publicly apologize. I attended and was deeply touched by the ‘forgiveness service.’ Read More »

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Dear Hurting One

Read More » Dear hurting wife one, Your family should not have mistreated you. Your home should be your castle, a place in which you feel safe and protected. A man has violated your trust. Whether it was a relative who abused you or a husband who left you, your pain is unimaginable.

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Three Questions That Could Save Your Job

It’s inevitable that you’ll find yourself cross-wise with someone at work. When that happens, here is my advice. These questions will serve to give you time to think, information about their complaint/s, and your listening just might help them to calm down. What many people really need is a good listening to. Read More »

when sorry isn't enough. sad dog face.

I’m Sorry, So Sorry: How To Show Your Regret

In our book, When Sorry Isn’t Enough, Gary Chapman and I talk about five essential parts of an apology. Our apology survey showed that the evidence of sincerity in apologies differs from person to person. In this blog post, I’ll examine one of our languages of apology in detail. Apology Language #1: Expressing Regret Read More » When Sorry Isn’t Enough.