Welcome to my blog. I’m an apology critic, psychologist, and the co-author (with Gary Chapman) of When Sorry Isn’t Enough. I share tips about What to Say When challenging conversations arise and I welcome your thoughts and questions. I’ll check back in frequently to chime in on the conversations here.
Paula Deen has spoken again. As an apology critic, I must say that she did herself no favors today. Click here for my analysis of her prior, half-baked apology.
Paula Deen jumped into more hot water when she said this to Matt Lauer: “I Is What I Is And I’m Not Changing”.
The fired Food Network star went on NBC’s Today show to explain — sort of — the controversy over her use of the n-word. My analysis: Deen blew the interview in 4 ways. 1) She needed to be repentant but she made it about herself and her own hurt. 2) She needed to disavow any of her hurtful old ways but she said she isn’t going to change. 3) She needed to show that she is repentant. Quite the opposite of that, I’ve never seen a more defensive statement than hers: “I is what I is and I’m not changing.” 4) She needed to be clear but she was both emotionally distraught and repetitive.
Update on 12/31/13: This apology critic has declared Deen’s apology the WORST apology of 2013.
What advice would you give to someone wants to apologize with sincerity?
She has a right to feel how she wants to feel. She is old enough to know and to accept the consequences of her actions. She made a choice. Everyone else needs to accept that fact and move on. I’m Black and it’s not bothering or affecting me one bit. Actually I’m tired of hearing about it. I say niggah whenever I feel like it and I don’t use some supposedly innocuous letter like “n” as if no one knows it means nigger, niggah or nigga. It is the same as someone saying “you B. Now who doesn’t know that they meant bitch. Some of you who have your britches in a wad, most likely behind closed doors use nigga and a few other derogatory and inflammatory words. Now none of you care that I say it because I’m just me (isn’t that what she said too?). No one will lose any business behind what I say. Funny also, if the same people that heard Paula say nigger, niggah or nigga heard me say it would think nothing of it. My own people, Black folk, think nothing of it. They, Black folk, my people, only act like it is awful and use the acronym N usually in the company of White folk or in “upper” circles. I know who I am. When and it has happened a White person has called nigger, can you really imagine what I called them? One time I said, “Ya mammie is a niggah and my daddy tore that &*%$ up” They looked stupid and kept it moving. I laughed and went on about my business. Will I still eat her food, yup…when it is on sale, as I’ve always done. Hey Paula, got some chicken…what about one of the real fattening cakes? The media is a bitch! Did I use the B-word?