Insider Scoop: My Focus on the Family Interview with Dr. Gary Chapman

A while back, Gary Chapman and I traveled to Colorado Springs for a taping of their daily broadcast. Here are some of my behind the scenes memories: During the session, the interviewers asked some great questions about the five languages of apology. Gary and I have developed a rapport for interviews like this. Generally, we take turns giving the answers. If we have something to add to the other’s answer, we lift a finger or point to ourselves. When we are asked about teaching kids to apologize, Gary usually points to me and I step in to answer because I have young kids. When theological questions pop up, I point to Gary because he’s a pastor. Read More »

I’m Just Not Feeling It. Why So Many Apologies Fall Flat

Before Gary Chapman and I wrote When Sorry Isn’t Enough, we asked 400 people what they look for in sincere apologies.  We found that their answers fell into these five categories (we call them ‘apology languages’):

  • Apology Language #1: Expressing Regret I am sorry.”
  • Apology Language #2: Accepting Responsibility I was wrong.”
  • Apology Language #3: Restitution-Making Amends What can I do to make it right?”
  • Apology Language #4: Genuinely Repenting I want to change.”
  • Apology Language #5: Requesting Forgiveness Will You Please Forgive me?”
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Two Simple Things Your Relationships Need For Survival

Gary Chapman is well known as “The Love Language Man.” His New York Times book, The Five Love Languages, selling over 9 million copies, has become a classic. To have blissful relationships, showing love is a must.  To have happy friends and co-workers, showing appreciation is essential. Recently, Dr. Chapman has embraced a second necessary ingredient for healthy relationships: dealing with offenses through apologies and forgiveness.  In May, Gary Chapman and I released When Sorry Isn’t Enough, which tells readers how to make things right with anyone. We believe that these two books fit together like a hand in a glove. Both sets of tools are needed to make relationships work.  Read More »

How Gary Chapman Discovered What to Say… When Sorry Isn’t Enough

In the introduction to “When Sorry Isn’t Enough”, Gary Chapman describes the path to the development of our new book. Other authors have talked about the components of a good apology but none have zeroed in on the powerful scripts others have in mind when we try to apologize to them. Here is his “Aha” […]

How I First Learned What to Say… When Sorry Isn’t Enough

I’m often asked how I came up with the new concepts in “When Sorry Isn’t Enough”. I co-authored this book with Gary Chapman and it was released in May 2013. Here is an interview in which I answered that question: How did the idea of an apology language first come to your mind? During my six years of graduate training in clinical psychology at the University of Maryland, I made note cards about lessons I learned that might help my future clients. On these cards, I listed may Bible verses and quotes about conflict, forgiveness, grief, marriage, parenting, etc. Ten years ago, I made a note card that listed several different parts of an apology. At that time, I only had three parts of an apology, but I added to the list over the years and finally arrived at our five parts of an apology. Read More »

Does Forgiveness Require an Apology?

Gary Chapman talked about issues of forgiveness in a radio interview this month.  Many assume that forgiveness has no qualifiers so our analysis of Bible passages about forgiveness may be surprising.  I thought my readers might like to hear what he is saying on this important topic.

CLICK HERE to listen to an in-depth radio chat with Gary Chapman.  Tip: Skip ahead to minute 11 to hear about forgiveness.  Here is a description of the whole interview.

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Gary Chapman at the Smart Marriages Conference

Check out this new article about apologies from Gary Chapman’s recent live interview at the Smart Marriages Conference.